Tuesday, December 23, 2014

The Last Word on 2014


In case you haven't guessed I'm still fuming about last week's decision by Sony executives to cancel the premiere of The Interview, the assassination comedy about Kim Jung Un.

It should be noted that I am hardly a fan of Seth Rogen/James Franco movies.

Last year my wife and I were planning to go see a Finnish documentary about fracking, global warming and its devastating effect on the survival of the Norwegian Blue, a fjord-dwelling parrot now on the extinction list. Unfortunately, this award winning doc was sold out and we ended up watching The End.

Sitting through a poorly-scripted Rogen movie is difficult. It's hard not to think, "Damn, I could have written something funnier than this."

And even harder to think, "I've got write another end of year Sales Event campaign just to pay for the air duct cleaning guy and the new brake pads for my daughter's Volvo."

In short, the quality of the Seth Rogen movie is not the issue. Cowtowing to a fat-ass tinpot dictator who runs a third world cesspool of a country, is.

I'm sorry, but how friggin' soft have we become?

It's shameful to think that America's Greatest Generation, women who riveted planes and men who stormed Nazi-fortified beaches in France, have lived long enough to see us quiver in cyber fear. Pissing our pants, because some boiled-carp eating nerds in Pyongyang might hack into our computers and seed some malware into our iPad Solitaire application.

Earlier this year, there was a restaurant in Vermont that dared to promote their prize-winning bacon. A woman, who happened to be a vegan and a Muslim, took offense and complained to the restaurant owners. And before the fat began to sizzle and emit that unmistakable aroma that says, "forget what your God commands and gnaw on my grizzled goodness", they removed the sign and apologized for upsetting the community.

In my book, bacon is more American than Baseball, Chevy or Apple Pie. And can, in fact, be used to improve all three.

I'm surprised these spineless restaurant owners didn't buy hijabs for the staff and go all halal, you know just to prevent any further religious disturbance.

Being in the ad business, I've admittedly developed a thick skin. But the truth is I'm offended by people who are easily offended.

Here's what I'm going to do about it.

I'm going to step up production of my Kim Jung Fun tumblr.

I'm going to continue my scathing criticism of Islam and the silent masses who get more riled up about Danish cartoons or pork products, than they do about the murder of children, stonings, honor killing, ethnic cleansing, FGM, the persecution of homosexuals, slave trading, and 7th century misogyny.

And I'm going to ramp up my attacks on the stupidity we all seem to be swimming in, whether it's in politics, advertising or just life in general.

This is the last post for 2014.
In 2015, I'm going on the offense.

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

So have a Merry Fucking Christmas.

And a Happy Fucking New Year!




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