Monday, September 8, 2014

Back in the U.S.S.R.

Of my many, many, many faults, my family will tell you the most obnoxious is my compulsion to beat a good joke to death. It's driven my wife to solo paddle boarding. And my daughters will tell you, they can't leave the house and go to college fast enough.

This predisposition to wring every last laugh out of a joke -- good or bad -- is my Achilles heel. Maybe it's common affliction among all 44 year old men.

In any case, today we're reaching into the files, revisiting Mother Russia and the glory of the 2014 Winter Olympics.

We do this not only because I stumbled across this treasure trove of captioned pictures that so succinctly capture the unfinished, shabbily-constructed spirit of Sochi but also because Vladimir Putin, his man boobs and his vodka-soaked stormtroopers are in the news.

But before we work ourselves up into a frenzy about Ukraine, whose track record of Nazi collaboration leaves me a little unenthusiactic about coming to their aid, and before we put any American soldiers in harm's way, let's remember who we shouldn't be getting frenzied about.

A wannabe superpower that is not so super.
Not even when they're sober.

Cue the Beatles and roll out the dead horse:

Feb. 10, 2004. Sochi, Russia -- Olympic visitors find it difficult to recharge their iPhones.

Feb. 11, 2014. Sochi, Russia -- Olympic officials remind the athletes to stay hydrated.

Feb. 12, 2014. Sochi, Russia -- Hotel utility workers unable to turn off the heat.

Feb. 13, 2014. Sochi, Russia -- "I tried jiggling the handle."

Feb. 14, 2014, Sochi, Russia -- Security officials say, "so far we haven't seen any imminent threats."

Feb. 17, 2014. Sochi, Russia -- Winning athletes have been upgraded to luxury suites with built-in soap dispensers.

Feb. 18, 2014. Sochi, Russia -- Homeowners next to Olympic biathlon course plan lawsuits.

Feb.19, 2014 Sochi, Russia -- Food running scarce at Olympic venues. Russian farmers are working overtime to fix situation.

Feb. 20, 2014. Sochi, Russia -- Polish Hockey team unable to enter the newly-constructed practice arena.

Feb. 21, 2014. Sochi, Russia -- The 4-Man PlopShed.

Feb.23, 2014 Sochi, Russia -- To celebrate the end of the Olympic Games and in anticipation of the arrival of warmer weather, local women folk celebrate with the ceremonial drinking of the vodka through the flip-flop.

March 7th, 2014 Sochi, Russia -- Locals return to the night club scene in Sochi.

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