Wednesday, August 20, 2014

I hate the Internet

Where's my check, Ariana?

If you've been following the blog lately you know in the past week or so, I've had three, er....four stories republished on the Huffington Post.

I'm not saying this to brag. If anything I should be ashamed of myself. If I could write worth a damn I'd have several books published by now, like my skilled friends, Jim Jennewein, Kathy Hepinstall, Toby Barlow, Ernie Schenck, etc.

Instead, like the schmuck who gets the soup spilled on him by a klutzy schlemiel, I give it away for free.  For the hollow promise of 'national exposure.'

That, and $3.50 will get me a small latte at Starbucks.

Of course, as my published writing friends will tell you, there's not a whole lot of money in the paid-for-publishing world as well.

It sucks to be a writer…er, content creator, these days.

And I blame it all on the Internet.

Thanks to the world wide webs, people can't be bothered to drop 50 cents for a daily newspaper. High brow magazines like National Lampoon, Spy and Mad, are no longer purchased and brought into the stall for a good laugh.  And an even better expulsion.

They've all been replaced by Vines and Instagrams and BuzzFeed quizzes that don't even approach funny.

But the public, and I'm looking at you regular readers of RoundSeventeen, loves them because they're Free.

They used to say, "Funny is Money." That was before some four-eyed Silicon Valley geeks started confibulating the flik-flacks and modulating the flux capacitor and pumping the Internet into the ether.

Growing up, I had dreams of becoming the next Art Buchwald or the more WASP-y P.J. O'Rourke.

I would dash off some biting satire or vomit some stream of consciousness ha-ha's onto the page and the adoring public would shower me with wheel barrels full of greenbacks. Enough to pay for a huge house with a huger backyard and enough room for my own personal lap pool so I wouldn't have to slosh around with the unwashed masses.

But you ruined that for me, Internet.

And all your online restaurant reviews, free fetish porn and easy-to-navigate driving maps will not make up for it.


Jared Mazzaschi said...

The Huffpost burns me up. How is it that "reposting" other people's content is a business model? Not only that but its the liberal Democrats flagship media outlet? They can't afford to pay "contributors" but they can cash Ariana Huffington to the tune of what? a quarter billion when it was taken over by aol. I've tried to boycott it, but it's irrepressible. I make no difference screaming at the herd to skip this particular outlet.

Worse - how short our memories are - Ariana used to be the RIGHT-WING/Conservative commentator on "Left Right and Center" - what was that? 5/6 years ago? She gets a divorce, decides she's a liberal and now her credentials are impeccable?

We Americans - and worse - we liberals are COWS.

That said, I enjoy your blog. Do you support emojis? Here's a winky face for you ;)

Laura said...

There is a huge generation of people making money from being funny on the internet. Vine stars, YouTube stars - who not only write their own content but film and perform it. Perhaps you're willing to adapt enough to take advantage of it?

You sound like a terrible old fart.

But the Huffington Post is awful, agreed.

glasgowdick said...

Thank you Laura.

I not only sound like a terrible old fart, I am a terrible old fart.

But whatever gave you the notion that I'd want to perform? Or become a Vine Star?

Truth be told, I have a face for radio.
And a voice for newspaper.