Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Winning Sucks

Last week I received some very depressing news.

As some of you might know I have been engaged in a mortal combat with the Nordictrack Fitness Equipment Company. I purchased one of their stationary bikes months ago and the thing literally had a meltdown.

It couldn't be fixed. And wouldn't be fixed. As I ran into a complete stonewalling by the customer service representatives in their Logan, Utah headquarters.

So, I did what any angry white man with not enough problems would do, I filed the papers for an appearance in Small Claims Court.

I wrote about this recently and received many emails from roundseventeen readers urging me to 'fight the good fight."

Suffice to say, I was ready to tilt that windmill and slay the Nordictrack monster with my dazzling rhetoric before an awestruck crowd of 23 people in an Inglewood courtroom.

Sadly, that is not going to happen.

Yesterday, I found out that the smiley Mormons in Utah shit their khaki pants and caved in.

A credit, in the amount of $870.91, covering the cost of the machine plus shipping and handling, had been issued to my account.

No one, and I mean no one, is more disappointed.

It's as if I had been sucker punched in the gut by Iron Mike Tyson. The wind has been knocked out of me. And even my new fortified cough medicine Hydrocod, now with 47% more codeine, fails to produce any euphoria.

I'm a beaten man.
Even though I won and prevailed in the grand scheme of fair trade.
I so wanted my day in court.

Never has being on the receiving end of $900 felt so crappy.

But there is a glimmer of hope.

We just purchased a new toaster oven with an infra-red broiler. And frankly it's taking a little too long for the cheese to melt on my tuna sandwich. The folks at Black & Decker better pray this thing rights itself.

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