Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Mad Skillz

People are still buzzing about the huge $35 billion merger between Omnicom and Publicis. (But don't ask for a raise because the folks in HR will tell you, "we don't have any money.")

The story was covered by CNN.
All the trades.
And naturally, all the bloggers.

But the best, and most telling coverage, came from The Onion, who claimed, "Merger Of Advertising Giants Brings Together Largest Collection Of People With No Discernible Skills." Further pointing out that the consolidation will create an intimidating workforce of 135,000 utterly talentless men and women who are not marketable in any industry other than their own and whose jobs add zero value to society at large.

Hey, I resemble that remark.

And so I should, as I have spent a considerable number of years working at both organizations.

But don't tell that to my 500+ connections on, who would stake their reputations and testify that my skills are anything but indiscernible.

If you believe these linkedin endorsements, and clearly I don't, I should have a PHd. and a Black Belt in all manner of persuasiveness.

Seriously, look at that. I'm impressed with myself. And no one knows my limitations better than I do.

If I had expertise in all these areas I would expect OmniPube to be rolling a truck up on my driveway with about $1 billion in cash. Which reminds me, I better move the trash cans.

Recently Chris M. endorsed me for Content Strategy. I find this troubling on several fronts. First of all, I have no idea what Content Strategy is. Moreover, I've never worked with Chris M. and don't know who he, or she, is.

As I scan my astounding Curriculum Vitae, I can't help but notice a glaring omission. Recently, we had to come up with a last minute mobile ad for a deck we were preparing. I instructed the art director to simply resize a banner ad to fit on the iPhone screen.

I would hope that art director, who shall remain nameless, will now take the trouble, log onto and endorse me in the area of Mobile Ads. You know, in recognition of my demonstrated proficiency and Mobile Advertising acumen.

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