Thursday, May 30, 2013

I'm losing wisdom

Dear Tooth Fairy,

Thank you for screwing up my life for two weeks.

Thank you for sending me to three different dentists, in three different office buildings, in three different non-validated parking garages.

Thank you for impaling that figurative train spike into my lower jaw and leaving it there until it aggravated my sensitive Trigeminal Nerve.

Thank you for forcing me to eat pureed food and a special sneak preview of what life will be like in my golden years.

Thank you for making me look like a pussy in front of my two daughters, who don't understand my unnatural fear of dental surgery.

Thank you for the sleepless nights and the nightmares about half-assed anesthesiologists and dirty dental equipment.

Here's the cracked Wisdom Tooth (pictured above) you wanted so desperately.

I hope you enjoy it.


PS. Thank you for the generous supply of Vicodin. With a little planning and some careful rationing I might just make it to my second daughter's high school graduation.

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