Thursday, January 31, 2013

Gamer versus Gamer

There is no room in this world for people who would scam other people. Particularly when those scammers do so cloaked in the guise of godliness and prey upon those who pray.

Which explains why several months ago I posed as an elderly Culver City woman named Ruby Shipp and began a correspondence with the Peter Popoff Ministry. A sham of a man who bilks the weak and witless by promising them the financial blessings of Jesus.

If you haven't seen his late night infomercials you have not seen state-of-the-art hornswoggling.

While I have enjoyed receiving the weekly envelopes from the Popoff people and their phony promises of financial miracles, I wanted to do something more. I wanted to see if these folks had an ounce of an integrity in their supposedly pious bodies. I wanted put their Christian faith to the test.

So again, assuming the identity of a cancer-stricken, naive 74-year spinster, I wrote the good pasteur to tell him of my recent good fortune.

Dear Reverend Popoff,

I have been watching your show on the television for many months now. And have marveled at the wonderful miracles you have delivered to so many people. 

I remember the woman who got a check for $19,000. She cried and cried. But they were tears of joy. Joy brought on by your diligent prayers and reverence for our dear Lord, Jesus Christ. 

Months ago, I contacted the Ministry, with the hopes that one day a financial fortune would find me. 

Per your instructions, I returned the Baruch Wallet, the Love Glove and the Apron of Jesus. I tried to send as much money as I could afford, but it is difficult as I need the money for medical needs. I have the cancer in my knees.

I was about to lose all hope. 
But then, Hallelujah, the miracle you had promised has come true.

Three days ago, I received a letter on my computer from a man named Mantu Ibrahim. He said that I was named an heir to a fortune left by his uncle, a general in the Nigerian Army. I knew we had descended from slaves kidnapped in Eastern Africa, but had no idea I had kin in Nigeria. 

Mr. Mantu said as soon as the documents are cleared I would receive a check for $2,750,000! 

All I need to do is wire him a money order for three hundred and fifty dollars.
That's a lot of money, particularly when I have to have a biopsy on my ankle. 

But the prayers you have said on my behalf have been answered by God. Glory goes to Jesus. 

I don't know how you choose guests for your television shows, but I would love to share my story and my blessings with your followers. I will let you know as soon as I receive a check from Mr. Mantu.

Yours in faith,

Ruby Shipp

If they intervene, I'll be surprised.
If they try to redirect the $350 to the Popoff Ministry, I won't be.

1 comment:

George Tannenbaum said...

The name Ruby Shipp reminds me of the old "Rocky & Bullwinkle" bit, which featured the Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayamm.