Wednesday, June 27, 2012


I don't own this T-Shirt.
In fact I don't own any T-shirts that succinctly express my personal philosophy on life.
But if I did have an upcoming birthday, this shirt in XL, would make a lovely gift.

Nowhere is this sentiment -- Hell is Other People -- more self evident than in the swimming pool.

I don't like swimming with other people. They're hairy. They're noisy. And some of them have weird hygienic issues. Either they don't shower often enough. Or they use some perfumed soap that leaps off their body, coasts on a water molecule across three lanes and makes its way up my nostrils.

"Dude you smell like a French whorehouse."

Not that I know what a French whorehouse smells like, the only time I was in France I was accompanied by my wife.

Neverthless, Jean Paul Sartre, who came up with the quote, "Hell is Other People" was from France and I suspect he knew what was talking about. Or that he was an avid swimmer.

This is why I find myself considering an Endless Pool. I don't have the yard space, or my wife's approval, to put in a full size Olympic Pool. Or even a skinny Lap Lane. But there is space for this:

It's a pretty ingenious machine. And though not inexpensive, it would allow me to swim in my own backyard. As I often tell my daughters, with any large purchase, it helps to list out the pros and the cons.

And so I did a little research.

The cons are significant. In addition to the maintenance, there's the cost. Powering up the machine to generate enough current to fight back my considerable girthiness would require a bit of electricity. Plus I'd feel less like a shark gliding through still waters and more like a salmon hurling myself against a relentless cascade of water. I'm getting tired just thinking about it.

On the other hand, there are the pros. As the T-shirt and Sartre aptly put it, if "Hell is Other People" then "Heaven is No Other People."

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