Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Put on your protective gear

The average person uses about 30,000 words in the English language. There are thousands more, but they have too many syllables or are difficult to pronounce and spell, so they sit on the shelf like an old can of leftover paint.

I play with words. It's what I get paid to do.

My job is to take those 30,000 words, rearrange them and make some kind of persuasive argument that will make you buy a particular product or service.

That's all advertising is.

But there's another group of people who don't see it that way. They have fancy titles. And make a lot more money. They're the ones that come up with Communications Platform Strategies. Or Paradigm Shifting Experiential Experiences. Or Bullshit Bullshit Bullshittery.

I would offer you more but the minute they start spewing that indecipherable jargon my mind goes blank or drifts to this.

But maybe you're one of those people who enjoys that type of thing. I know people who go to the Pageant of the Masters in Laguna Niguel every year and watch people pose as classic paintings. Others enjoy The Riverdance. And millions of Americans seemed to be enthralled with cars going around a NASCAR track.

For aficionados of marketing's and business jargon, there can be nothing sweeter that this website which I'm sure will be an instant bookmark.

With a simple click of the mouse the Web Economy Bullshit Generator cranks out gems like "extend collaborative applications", "syndicate plug-and-play interfaces" and "reintermediate real-time initiatives."
I'm just spitballing some numbers here, but judging from the comprehensive list of terms, there must be well over 3, 872, 951 possible combinations.

Of course the only thing better than reading these nonsensical terms is seeing them put into action. And for that, compliments of professional curmudgeon George Parker, I give you this video gem:

You might be thinking, "Wow Rich, you'll never get any freelance assignments from these folks." And the truth is, I'm OK with that. Why? Because I have to work much harder and it takes much longer for me to produce the kind of crap they sell to clients.

The net result is lower ROPLCI, or Return on Personal Labor and Creativity Investment.

Put another way, I'd rather stay home and watch Dr. Drew.


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