Thursday, April 16, 2009

Brown lays a turd.

Earlier this week Texas Senator Betty Brown suggested that Asian Americans consider changing their names to something more “American” sounding.

You know, to make things easier for the rest of us.

Ms. Brown caught a lot of flak for her remarks. All of it, undeserved.

Asian-Americans, African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, indeed Americans of all stripes, should change their name.

To something that sounds more Jewish.

That would make things a lot easier for me.

If everyone had a Jewish sounding last name, it’d be a lot easier to pick a doctor from an HMO list of approved physicians. Picking a dentist, a lawyer or even a plumber out of the phone book would be a snap as well.

If everybody had a Jewish-sounding last name, we’d put those White Supremacists out of business. Their paranoid theories about a Zionist Occupied Government would tumble like a House of B’nai Brith membership cards.

I think President Barry Obamawitz ought to introduce this legislation immediately.

Frankly, I’m tired of over-tipping under-performing waitresses to avoid heaping scorn on my tribe and fueling the stereotype of the thrifty Hebrew. If all surnames sounded Semitic, I would not feel so singled out.

One day, I would like to be able to leave an 11 or 12% gratuity.
Or no tip at all.
Because sometimes, the soup really is cold.

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